How to ‘Show’ not ‘Tell’ Your Story

In expression, if there’s anything that will make your story memorable, it’s this.

Showing, not, telling your story.

But, to do it correctly, we need to see how to ‘show’, not ‘tell’ at a paragraph level and at a sentence level.

Show – at a sentence level

‘Showing’ isn’t just adding heaps of adjectives (when you do that, it overwhelms the story). It’s a bit different. It’s about:

• creating a sensory image (visual, smell, touch, sound) that,
• complements the tone created.

It should also be done selectively. Don’t try to include every sense—choose the most powerful, or the one with most impact.

It is better to write 1 sentence which has deep impact rather that 2+ shallow ones.

How to do it

To create a ‘showing’ sentence, follow these steps:

1. Take a ‘telling’ sentence (they’re often short).
2. Write 3-4 keywords of the tone you want to convey.
3. Think of a sense that would strongly convey this tone. You can consider: physical environment, social environment, action, facial expression.
4. Write out in detail using the keywords selected (don’t use all the keywords, only 1-2 of the most impactful keywords).

Here are some examples of ‘showing’ sentences. See how you don’t actually need so many adjectives?

Item	Description – The Beach
Setting – Physical Environment	Pristine clear blue waters that reflected light like a well-cut sapphire, Layers of grainy sand that sunk under your feet, Clashing waves that enveloped each other, one by one, like foam blankets, Sun beamed heavily, making each grain of sand burn like miniscule volcanic rocks, The cove opened wide to a half oval welcoming the sea which lapped gently along its shore, As you peep through the almost transparent water, miniature grey fish dart from one side to the other of the rock pool like soft dusty clouds being blown in the wind.
Setting – Social Environment	Nearby shops sold an assortment of delicious and mouth-watering treat – flame grilled chicken cooked outside and handmade orange sorbet made with ripe orange rind, Children chased each other shrieking in delight when they were caught while their parents reclined on colourful beach chairs devouring cool drinks straight from the Esky cooler, As the crowds descended onto the sand, families were literally on top of one another. Only a small 50 cm gap separate one from the other and your conversations could be easily audible by four other surrounding families, The boy wore a tight black wetsuit with green stripes on the side. In that instance, he resembled a wet seal that emerged from the water only wanting to get back in again, Two children gathered sand in wore-out buckets and packed them against one other in odd-looking sandcastles. They decorated these so-called sandcastles with shells but the result was a malformed and dense lump of sand and miscoloured shells.
Swam/swim or water related	Propelled his arms in the motion of backstroke, Spread his arms like an eagle under water, Smacked his belly on the water causing ripples that could be felt a metre away, Lurked under water patiently waiting…

Because ‘showing’ is better demonstrated through application, let’s look at examples now.

Examples

Watch video to see worked example/s for the following:

• ‘Show’ this sentence using a sad tone: “I fell off the monkey bars”.
• ‘Show’ this sentence using a tone conveying fear: “I was in the dentist’s waiting room feeling scared”.

When you successfully show, you:

• no longer have to tell the reader how your character feels.
• often end up with a longer sentence.

Showing is hard. It requires a lot of thinking and consideration. But it’s worth it because the impact on your writing will be astounding.

Show – at a paragraph level

It’s important that you don’t ‘show’ your whole narrative. Why? It is likely to feel overwhelming to your reader and your story can lose pace.

‘Showing’ sentences should be balanced with ‘telling’ sentences.

Therefore, we recommend for your 4 sentences per paragraph, that you:

• Tell in 2 sentences
• Show in 2 sentences

This can be in any order (e.g. tell, show, tell, show; show; tell; tell; show etc…) and allows your story to process clearly with pace but also with tone.

Example

Let’s try this now by writing a paragraph about someone slipping off the monkey bars – the tone of this paragraph will be ‘shock and horror’.

T: One by one, my fingers started to lose hold of the metal bar.
S: My eyes widened and I turned pale, knowing that the inevitable was to come.
S: As I fell, I let out an ear-piercing shriek that rattled the toddlers in the sandpit nearby.
T: But…that stopped, once I landed with a huge ‘thud’ on the ground.

Key Rules to remember:

• Balance is key with ‘showing’ and ‘telling’
• Use the 4-step process to show sentences.

Practice time!

Now, it's your turn to practice.

The questions in this checkpoint are provided to help you develop your writing skills.

To do your practice questions, click on the below to download your question paper. You can print it out or work from the electronic version. We do recommend that you write your answers by hand in a notebook or on paper.

NW-CP14-Questions.pdf

Once you have completed your questions, review the suggested solutions. You can download (and print if you wish) the PDF suggested solutions and/or watch the suggested solutions video (all below).

Once you're done with reviewing the practice question suggested solutions, move on to the next checkpoint.

NW-CP14-Answers.pdf

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